An Open Letter to My Wife: Why my 20s has been Sheltered Beyond Repair
Hi honey. How are you? Why are you here? I explicitly told you this post was for our readers eyes only! You are beyond stubborn and way too curious for your own good! But now that you’re here, I guess you might as well take a look at why meeting you was absolutely disastrous for me. I’ve numbered it for you, because I know you’re more of a skimmer than a reader! #Yourewelcome
One: I wanted...no NEEDED to play the field!
One night stands. Bed hopping. Bar hopping. Girls night outs that I won’t remember. Boyfriend stealing, hell girl friend stealing. I missed out on all of that! The drama, the he said, she said. The screenshots and Insta beef! My life is so sheltered! And it’s all your fault! I wanted to feel my heart racing because someone’s significant other came home from work early. I wanted to hold my breath naked while hiding in someone’s closet because their Mom does a sleep check at 2:30 in the morning when she wakes up to pee. I wanted so badly to wake up next to someone and not know their name but not be embarrassed because that’s what all the hot chicks in the movies do! I wanted to curse out my S.O. because they found out I was out thottin’ around while they were home being faithful. And then turn around and bust their car windows like Jasmine Sullivan when they turned right around and did the same thing to me. My twenties were supposed to be filled with drama, sex, messy friends, too much recreational fun and just as many lonely nights. I needed to see what was out there!
But no instead I have stability, ever evolving love, support, and a faithful partner who laughs at all my jokes. I ain’t even that funny! So you can def save those chuckles, because this is not a laughing matter! I am seriously pissed! Now I just have all this time on my hands because I didn’t waste half of my life chasing after people I knew weren’t for me. People I knew would not value, respect, or love me.
Two: I needed sleepless nights, a crappy job, and a nasty caffeine habit
My friends are all complaining about how tired they are. And how they hate their boss and their stupid entry level job. How they have to take caffeine pills to wake up and something called melatonin to go to sleep. I have nothing in common with them anymore! We literally sit, stare, eat sushi, and drink margaritas. And the crap part is that I have to pay for it because apparently I’m the only one who can afford it! Got dang our two income household!
They’re staying up all night finishing up work and I’m asleep because you tell me it’s important for my health that I get a good night’s rest. You also say something about me having a ‘sleeptitude’ if i don’t get enough sleep, although I don’t really know what that’s all about. (I think you’re being shady, but I’ll let it slide. This time.) They’re out drinking to forget the horrors of their day and their crap life and I’m drinking because I know tequila makes for a great night for us! You see how we’re on two different levels!? I want no NEED to have horrors and sorrows to drink away! And I want them right now!!!
Three: I needed to establish myself as an INDIVIDUAL first!!
I should be getting to know myself down to most minute detail! I should’ve figured out how I liked my coffee, when my most creative time was, and how to keep my hair moisturized. Twentysomethings are out doing yoga, drinking half fat skim milk no whip chai tea with moisturized edges. I am #LOSING! I still wear wigs, drink premixed coffee from a box, and have sporadic fits of creativity. I can’t imagine what age group I fit into. They’re out there ‘Eat. Pray. Love’ing’ all around the world getting in tune with themselves. I should be working 60 hours a week at a job where I’m overqualified, underemployed, and over stressed.
And all I have is a Wife who says, “I like my coffee, like I like my Wife. Light and sweet.” How lame! I still have to sit between someone’s legs to get my hair two strand twisted like I’m a kid! You take better care of my hair than I do. I am an adult, and I think it’s high time you begin to treat me like one! I demand that you teach me the ways of your two strand twisting sorcery. And I also demand that I take solo trips to foreign countries to eat delicious foods that I wish you were with me to experience. I no longer wish to take weekend getaway trips with you to burger festivals or to meet up with our married friends on a cruise to the Bahamas because that means I’ll be taking time away from myself to hang out with others. I should have a cool personal blog about what it looks like to be finding out who you are as twentysomething instead of a lifestyle blog with you that depicts everyday life for young LGBT couples. I shouldn’t be in a job where you need five years of experience to get a foot in the door as a May 2016 graduate.
Four: I needed to figure out how to manage my money and create budgets
All my friends do is save money and eat noodles. You know how much I love noodles! Pasta is one of my favorite foods. They have apps that track and categorize all of their purchases to create a spreadsheet for a super adult looking budget. For Christmas they get surprise money from family members and a bill or two paid. Living the life! They know how to live on a budget, they know their bank account numbers by heart, and they are on a first name basis with their bank’s customer service number!
I need to know the struggle so I can appreciate our joint account more than I currently do. I need to have a budget so I can follow along with you when you bring your color coded spreadsheets to our monthly family meeting. They all think I just spend what I want because you’re advanced in your career and we run two successful businesses. It’s not fair! I earn everything I get and understand that I shouldn’t go on a $500 shopping spree because I got an extra half hour on lunch!
Moral of the story: You’ve made my life too good too fast. People need to see twentysomethings as people who need help, guidance, constant praise and attention. And while I can attest to needing all of those things, I cannot attest to saying I need them before you give them to me. I am not supposed to be this liberated, carefree, and forward thinking just yet. My college professors were floored when I would refuse to do an assignment because I saw no point in it. My group members were pissed when they realized I wasn’t as stressed as they were about our presentation that was over half of our grade. My old boss didn’t understand why I wouldn’t risk my life speeding to work to make it on time during inclement weather. But it was because I met you, that I realized, all too soon that what mattered most in life was what you did with it, who you impacted, and who you let impact you. I understood much too early, that I would much rather have “Beloved by many” on my headstone rather than “Perfect Attendance” or “Straight A-Student”. While getting great grades and being on time are both great accomplishments they aren’t life changing. You always made sure I had perspective. You always made sure that I didn’t feel singled out. You leveled with me, and sometimes you even let me be above you, by telling me stories about what a horrible student you were in college. Although I suspect not all of your stories were true, because I know successful you are, they are all very much so appreciated. No one understands why I feel comfortable floating around from job to job, hobby to hobby, or even wig to wig, but you. And I’m ok with that. You let me follow my heart and I will forever be grateful for that.
Being married as twentysomething has been life altering, naturally. It’s more than the title of marriage. It’s a best friend to travel with. A no brainer for who you’re leaving the club with at 3 in the morning. It’s seeing yourself through another’s eyes that in turn helps you figure yourself out. It's those times where you refuse to let the other one run themselves into the ground. It’s when we're both the teacher and the student. It’s making the same mistakes as your partner years apart and re figuring it out together. It's not letting the other one settle or be taken for granted at a crap job. It’s realizing that a half of something can still be whole. And learning that just because you may identify as one doesn’t mean that your individuality is gone. It’s also learning that being young and married is a freaking blast and being a part of a two income household is very similar to being a billionaire! The last minute trips, the 4th meal snack runs at midnight, renting all of the Harry Potter films at $4.99 each for the ultimate Thanksgiving marathon and let’s not forget about the lofted apartments, just to feel fancy!
Marriage for this twentysomething has been an amazing ride so far. And I can’t thank you enough for saving me from the struggles others wish to push me into.
Your loving Wife
**graphic used as thumbnail belongs to the awesome creator of Our Super Adventure, and more of her artwork can be found on her website, oursuperadventure.com!