5 REASONS WHY I'M F**KIN' WITH AMAZON

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5 REASONS WHY I’M FUCKING WITH AMAZON

When I booted up my computer to see a video of an Amazon grocery store powered by NFC from a mobile device I sat and thought “Why am I fighting the natural connection?” 

#5 I’VE GOT 2 CATS AND KITTY LITTER IS HEAVY AF

No shade, my wife is quite strong but I do not enjoy carrying buckets of “lightweight” kitty litter from PetSmart (which is always 20 minutes out of the way).

I’ve never understood how they took 40 lbs of Kitty Litter and turned it into 17 lbs of “Lightweight”. If you got it down to 17 lbs why didn’t you keep going until that bucket was weightless and could float it’s way to my living room. 

 

Never again will I carry that 17 lb bucket from the store to my car, use my $2.30/gal petroleum to roll it the crib, only to get home and break my wrist dragging it to my doorstep, when Amazon is doing for the FREE. 

Nah.

#4 I HATE RUNNING IN THE STORE FOR JUST 1 THING

We’ve all had to run in the store for just one thing and as soon as your foot hits the threshold you memory is suddenly erased because there is just so much stuff on sale that you can’t focus anymore. 

I suffer from this retail mind erasing syndrome more than most. Sometimes I get so disoriented and frustrated in the store I end up just grabbing a coffee at the in-store Starbucks and leaving with no merchandise at all.

I won’t be taken advantage of any longer. 3 words. NEXT DAY DELIVERY

#3 AMAZON PANTRY IS LIT

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The only reason that I ever step into the grocery store is because it makes my wife happy, period. I don’t enjoy price matching or even an abundance of options to be honest. Ordering all of the things that we constantly need to buy (i.e. Toilet Paper, laundry detergent etc.) takes the anxiety of adulating away. Listen we’re all learning. I’m not the only one that has run out of paper towels and chooses to wipe my hands on a rag for a day or two. 

Never again. 

#2 AMAZON DASH MAKES IT TOO EASY

Amazon’s new Dash buttons make it even easier to order. When the kitty litter gets low I just hit a bluetooth powered button that I purchased from Amazon and my usual brand and size or kitty litter is ordered. 

At this point it literally knows my life. 

#1 ALEXA DOESN’T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHE IS GOING TO TAKE OVER MY HOUSE

Smart House was scary. Alexa is smart but not that smart. She can take some notes, tell me the weather set timers and that’s about it. I enjoy her simplistic role of telling me where my orders are and helping me order more :-)

 

I highly suggest everyone get an Amazon Prime Membership (Students 1/2 off) so they can take advantage of all the services I’m describing. Oh, I should mention that get at least 1 package a day so becoming friends with the mailman is also suggested.