Move with a Purpose. Create the world you want. Be the person you want to be. Some of these things will take time. Some movement maybe be miniscule but all progression is beneficial. Envision yourself first as the right mate or the perfect find. Then build a complementing partner; not your dream partner. If you’re more of a free spirit who does everything on the fly try thinking about dating someone who’s going to keep you grounded and offer you stability. Take strides towards identifying and then interacting with your dating pool. Emphases on YOUR dating pool. One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing people talking about “THE Dating Pool” as if it’s this one mass collection of people with universal qualities that everyone is looking for. Identifying your dating pool is so powerful because it cuts down on time wasted frequenting events, socials and places where your chances are slim to none in finding who you define as a suitable match.
Realize how important your view of yourself is in comparison to your dating community. You are your number one priority. Your happiness, your well-being and your success ultimately depends on you! Self-care can look like a multitude of things. For a while, when I was single and dating I never accepted dates to the movies. Why, you ask? Well because I was a student at the time so the matinee was like $3! So I went solo to shows all the time, and more often than not seeing the movie before my date. Also I thought dinner and a movie dates were played out! I wanted to go to museums, tour different places around my city, go go-karting and horseback riding. I didn’t expect them to do anything that I wouldn’t or hadn’t already done for myself. So my dates got better and better because I was intentional with accepting them. Self-care can also be taking the time to figure out how you need to be cared for and how you care for others. I got so good at identifying and navigating my dating pool in college that I could observe someone from across the room and almost guarantee that we would never work out. The way people interact with others is a very good indicator of personality and can tell you a lot about their motives. So if you’re knowledgeable about yourself, how best you receive and give love you’re ahead of the game!
Re-Evaluate your Friend List.
I am the first married person in my friend circle so I get harassed with questions about how I found the one, can I set them up with someone or the worst can you listen to me talk about the same person over and over again. If your friends are truly your friends they’ll know what you need in a partner even more so if they’ve been with you through bad break-ups. If your current circle isn’t up to par on that, it’s your job to bring it to their attention. They’re friends for a reason right? Friends who are always trying to hook you up with people and the only attribute of theirs that overlaps or complements yours is that they’re single, are not friends that are beneficial in your pursuit of a mate. And that’s not to say that you need new friends, you just need to let the friends you currently have know what you’re looking for and why so that they don’t feel jaded in the process of setting you up and your time doesn't keep getting wasted. You also want to reevaluate relationships with friends who encourage you to stay with toxic mates. Those friends who tell you everyone cheats or you should stay because you’re life is stable and predictable with this person even though you’re miserable are doing you a disservice. Expressing your relationship expectations with your friends can go a long way and increase the amount of meaningful connections they bring your way!
Shoot Your Shot.
Got dammit it’s 2017. Confidence is your statement piece! None of the above matters if you don’t believe in yourself and what you deserve. If you see your longtime crush after you’ve made strides to intentionally (but casually) run into them, you’ve practiced your definition of self’-care and you’ve gotten your friends up to speed with where you are in life and who you’re looking for and you still don’t pursue said crush...Babyyyyyy, you need to message me immediately! Because obviously you need a pep talk that, not to toot my own horn, but I’m great at that! I’ve almost always took a chance on love, that being said I’ve gotten turned down just as many times, and guess what I made it! I’ve had people say they don’t date black girls, understand bisexuality, like glasses and braces, etc. Shooting your shot isn’t always going to end up with a date sometimes it reveals unattractive or realistic qualities about your crush and even yourself. But if you don’t have the confidence to take that chance you’ll have a longer and possibly harder time finding your right mate! Leaps of faith and taking risks, that won't put you in harm's way of course, are all great beginnings of some pretty epic love stories as well as some great moments of self-discovery.