The Scary Truth: Black Lesbian Blogger.
Good content is hard to find
The whole premise of our blog began with not being able to find a single blog about the lives of young, black lesbian couples who are married. We started off looking for place where we could find similarities, common ground, and a mutual understanding of “Oh good. That happens to everyone like us.” Instead we found Christian marriage blogs (no offense, we know the Lord and have subscribed to blogs that we know align with our values), black lesbian dating sites, LGBT activist blogs, and way outdated but pretty OK blogs black lesbians update...sometimes. We didn’t need to depress ourselves by staying up to date with every regression that happens in LGBT laws. We didn’t need a hookup, date, or lover; we’d already checked those boxes. We wanted to be a part of a shared experience, where we were the majority. We wanted consistency. We wanted content tailored to who the hell is right if you’re both the Wife. I mean seriously is she “Mrs. Right” and I’m “Mrs. Always Right”, or what? We needed to know then and we need to know now!
Good mentors are even harder to find.
You literally have to pull from every which way to get an inkling of an idea about the life you’ve signed up for as a black lesbian blogger. I have yet to find a young, black, lesbian blogger who’s married. I follow lifestyle bloggers, relationship bloggers, fashion bloggers, marriage bloggers, foodie bloggers, travel bloggers, lesbian activist bloggers. Desperately trying to piece together the great parts about all of them to be able to relate to my life, my marriage, and our blog. It’s off-putting sometimes because why take direction from people who have not been where you’re going and have no plans to go there? It’s disheartening. Sometimes I don’t want to continue because I don’t know if I’m ready for our blog to take off and I have to become the person that people like me look up to. I’m 22!! I have no idea, I was trying to figure it out then, and still am. Geez laweez. In the words of LL Cool J’s I Need Love, if you’re a young black married lesbian blogger, “Why don’t you make yourself seen? Take a chance on my love and you’ll find out what I mean!”
Sex Sells Happiness Doesn’t
A heterosexual couple can get away with having a lifestyle or relationship blog that simply chronicles their life because it’s so “cute”, “normal” and “sin free”! Let a lesbian couple of any race try to be regular and see how many followers she gets. This shit is hard. There’s a definite line between being instagram famous for being a black lesbian couple and having a blog/vlog about being a black lesbian couple. I see a lot of credible peers who are just like me and Trice but just haven’t ventured out into the blogging community yet. Which is totally fine, we support and subscribe to a lot of those couples. But unfortunately our current lesbian demographic does tens of thousands of followers better if you’re half naked and making out with each other. Don’t get me wrong many a times are we half naked and making out but our agenda isn’t to create soft porn off of our life. It’s like how dare you be happy and not half ass naked!? We’re building a brand. We want people like us to know that there’s more to life as a black lesbian than what the media portrays and what social media perpetuates.
You’re fighting a bigger battle than you think.
Instagram is the perfect place for gathering a backing but black lesbian bloggers need more than likes and shares; we need action. We need a change in perspective. The conversation and movement within the LGBT community right now is great but it’s only going to stick if those fence dwellers see that there’s more similarities than there are differences. We need an added narrative. As a community we would benefit greatly from supporting those living our truth everyday. There’s a difference in what we are asking of our followers and the impact that we want to have. But the scary truth is if you aren’t perpetuating the oversexualization of lesbianism you’re invisible. You’re the odd man, or more accurately, the odd lesbian out. You’re the intersection of two of the most hated, discriminated, misunderstood and stereotyped populations. Therefore you get double the negative comments and unrelated insults to whatever you write/post. “Lead. Follow. Or get the hell out of the way.” has been one of my many new daily mantras because I can’t get with people who hide behind the many assumptions of the LGBT community without trying to better the social climate. We’re not even a month into 2017 and already there’s been at least 2 transwomen who’ve been killed. In 2017 I can support someone going through a journey of self discovery but I will not support someone who isn’t honest with themselves. Being Black and a Lesbian is hard enough on it’s own already, I don’t need to add any extra stress.
And that’s the Scary Truth About Being A Black Lesbian Blogger.